Feel the grief of your losses
I learned about grief and loss in a workshop. Every time we landed on this topic, it was so revolutionary for me. It changed everything about my experience because I had a name for it. Grief defined exactly what I was feeling most of the time. - RCMP Veteran
Once you’ve recognized your losses and the grief that results, it’s important to make time and space in your life to attend to your grief.
Feelings: Everyone has them
Grief and loss can come with deep and conflicting feelings. Although not everyone wants to share their feelings, there’s no doubt that everybody has them. Your feelings, whatever they are, are a normal, unavoidable part of grieving. Your willingness to let yourself feel your emotions is what can help you to find a way to live with your grief.
There are the top performers in the military who have a conscience, have a heart, and are kind and loving guys, but none of them will show their emotions because it’s not cool. It is a failure within our community that we’re not allowed to be hurt. There’s nothing wrong with being a tough guy. But I can tell you right now, this tough guy cried… a lot. - Military Veteran
Sometimes we may not be able to put words to how we are feeling. Many of us were never taught to name our feelings nor encouraged to talk about them. We didn’t learn how to manage or understand them.
Two things to remember:
- We don’t choose our feelings; our feelings choose us,
- While there’s no shame in having feelings, we often feel shame at having them.
Strategies: What may help
- Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, even the painful or scary ones. Trying to ignore them may prolong your grief and distress.
- Although it may be difficult, talk about your experience with someone you trust.
- Resist isolating yourself from others. Reach out for support from people who you know can listen without judgement. Avoid or take a break from those who aren’t supportive.