What impacts grief: Feelings towards society and media

You may feel disappointed or disillusioned with society. You may sense that Canadians or the media do not understand and are not grateful for the sacrifices made by the person who died and your family.

You may have encountered criticism from friends, family members, or others who suggest that the death is the result of a misguided career choice.

A death is a death - it’s always tragic when you lose somebody. But service deaths seem to be criticized, like, "Well, why did he join the RCMP?" or "Why did he go out to Afghanistan? He had no business being there," and all these other stupid questions and comments. - Military Veteran

You know, there are times, especially in the last few years, that policing is very challenging. Who gives a damn about policing? And who wants to care about it? And the whole idea is not to fall into the trap of that nihilistic narcissism that’s out there. Not easy, sometimes. Believe me. - RCMP Veteran

It’s a modern reality that journalists take an interest in reporting on deaths in the line of service and those that may be controversial.  You may also feel upset that others are telling your family’s story on social media.

We got home, and the press was all over the lawn because he was the first soldier to be killed in Afghanistan from our city. It was a difficult thing for us, especially for my wife. - Family Member

I had some support with me at the time - my brother-in-law, who has been a good friend all my life. He coordinated things with the press and handled it. We had one situation that wasn’t good, and my brother-in-law said, "Listen, I think that’s it for now." So, my brother-in-law set the boundaries, which was really great. - Family Member

• Images and difficult details may become part of the “news cycle” which may last for days, or longer, depending on the nature of the event.
• Stories that re-surface even years later can trigger waves of grief that you weren’t expecting.
• The media may mine your social media accounts for photos and other information to use in stories.
• Members of the public may find your social media accounts and leave harassing or disrespectful messages.
• Strangers may tell or re-tell your story on social media and may do so in a way that is not accurate or not as you would wish it told.

I had to go through my privacy being invaded. The whole world got a lot more information about what happened to my husband from WikiLeaks. That is not the way it should be. This was my husband’s and my story. I should be able to choose what information I receive, when I receive it, and who else gets to hear it. - Family Member