What impacts grief: Feelings toward the service

Something should have happened, and nothing did. He let the authorities know what was going on, and they failed him. They said they would help him, and instead, they got caught up in all this process and procedure. They betrayed us, they betrayed my son… and it cost him his life. - Family Member

The military and RCMP often provide more than a source of employment. They can also offer a sense of identity and pride because of the contributions and sacrifices that service personnel make to maintain Canada’s safety and reputation as a force for good and stability in the world. However, the death of your loved one may undermine your allegiance to your service.

If you feel the service played a role in the death or you feel it failed your family afterwards, this can prompt a variety of understandable responses:

• Disappointment or disillusionment
• Anger
• Shame
• A sense of betrayal
• Resentment

Some may feel betrayed and angry at specific individuals who played a role in the situation surrounding the death.

Anger can eat you alive. I was angry for three years after he died because I thought a particular person had let him die. I felt anger all day long, from the moment I woke to the moment I went to sleep. - Family Member