When you need more help and how to find it
While some people are able to navigate their grief, others become “stuck.” Their distress persists, their grief becomes prolonged, and they have a hard time engaging in life. While many people are able to move through their grief, others become depressed, and a few have thoughts of harming themselves.
Grief and depression
While grief and depression share some similar features, they are not the same.
Grief is associated with loss. If you are grieving, you may experience changes to your thoughts, feelings, behaviour, and thinking, but this usually improves over time. Some people who are grieving may become clinically depressed, but many do not.
On the other hand, depression is characterized in part by a pervasive loss of joy in life, high levels of self-criticism, significant changes in sleep and appetite, severe anxiety or anger, and sometimes thoughts of suicide.
Signs of depression
Self-harm
If you are having thoughts that you may harm yourself or others, and if you have a plan to do so, it is critical that you access professional services immediately. Call or text 9-8-8 anytime day or night, go to your nearest Emergency Department, or call 911.
Reaching out for help
It is important to recognize when things really aren’t working for you. It can be hard to admit this, and it can take courage to reach out for help. What works well for some, doesn’t for others. It’s important to find the right fit for you.
Here are some avenues for help:
- Family you trust,
- Friends and colleagues you trust,
- Community,
- For some, a spiritual community,
- Peer support,
- Professional support.
Peer support
Peer support and support groups can be very helpful as there is nothing quite like connecting with someone else who has experienced something similar. That said, peer support is best when you are ready to hear others’ stories. If you try peer support and find it difficult to listen to other participants’ experiences, you may want to try joining in the coming weeks or months.
Professional help
It can be hard for Veterans to reach out for professional support because of service culture and other barriers. Being vulnerable and expressing feelings may be seen as shameful or “weak”. In reality, it takes courage to reach out for help.
Seek professional support and counselling from someone experienced in grief and loss, and, if needed, trauma, OSI, PTSD, or PTSI. There are also those who specialize in working with couples, families, or children. It’s important to connect with someone who has the skills you need and who you trust.
Finding the right fit
It may take you a few counsellors until you find one who is a good fit. This is not uncommon. Be persistent and find someone you trust and feel comfortable with. At some point, you may feel your time with a particular counsellor has “run its course”. You may wish to try someone new who has different perspectives or approaches.
Resources
To access professional help for CAF Veterans, former or current RCMP members, family members, or caregivers, start by calling the VAC Assistance Service 24-hour toll-free line at 1-800-268-7708. This service offers face-to-face psychological support, bereavement support, and referral services. You can also utilize the online chat service to schedule an appointment with a mental health professional.
If they are an active member of the Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) member: Call the Canadian Armed Forces Member Assistance Program (CFMAP) 24-hour toll-free line at 1-800-268-7708 or by TDD at 1-800-567-5803 or contact your medical unit.