The circumstances of the death
Suicide is often a sudden, unexpected loss that disrupts your world and can challenge your perception of safety, stability, and predictability. Sometimes the death is not altogether unexpected as you may have known that the person was struggling for many years or had attempted suicide.
Grief following a suicide can:
- Alter your beliefs about the world and yourself.
- Affect your ability to function.
- Severely interfere with your sense of being in control of your life.
Your relationship
Who this person was in your life, whether family, friend, or colleague, and the depth of your relationship will profoundly impact your grief. Your relationship with this person is unique and so your grief will be.
How they died
How the person died, and the circumstances of their death will impact your grief response, especially if it was a violent death.
If you witnessed a death from suicide, discovered the deceased’s body, or heard specific details about the death, you may find yourself experiencing trauma.
For more information about trauma and grief, see MyGrief.ca - Grief after trauma.
How you may feel
I’ve had a tough journey and the thing with this is, it doesn’t end. It’s very easy to not want to do anything, and believe me, for a long time, that was the perfect definition of what I wanted, which was nothing. I didn’t wanna go anywhere, I didn’t wanna see anybody, I didn’t wanna do anything. - Family Member
- You may have intense reactions, including fear, anxiety, panic, and shock.
- You may feel guilty, as though it was somehow your fault, even if realistically there was nothing that could have prevented it.
- You may have a heightened sense of disbelief, feel detached, numb, and confused.
- You may withdraw or isolate yourself, not able connect with those around you.
- You may feel stigmatized and worried about what others might think or say about the person who died, or how people might judge you.
- You may find yourself despairing, filled with feelings of hopelessness and emptiness.
- You may feel deeply betrayed, as though life or the person has turned on you.
- You may be very angry with the person who died and the circumstances you are left to deal with.
- You may have feelings you find unacceptable or shameful, like feelings of relief.
- You may feel punished, as though the person killed themselves as an act of retaliation or revenge against you or others.
- You may feel the suicide was a deeply personal rejection of you.
- Your beliefs about the person who died, yourself, or life in general may be challenged.
- You may feel like your world, as you knew it, has come to an end.
- You may have thoughts about harming yourself.
It’s kind of like when you’re feeling that your world is gonna end and nobody actually understands. That’s the biggest thing. - Family Member
Strategies: What may help
- Grief after a suicide death may feel more intense and confusing than grief you’ve experienced with other losses.
- Try to remember that your distressing feelings are a natural and normal response to this loss.
- It can be hard to know what you need, but as best you can let others know how they can support you.
- Spend time with others who support you in your grief. Let them know if you feel like talking or need some distraction.
- Know that there is no one right way to grieve and no time frame.