The entire family serves
To take care of the soldier, you have to take care of the families, ’cause it'll be the wife who says I've had enough. I'm tired of this lifestyle. "You're gone six months out of every year, and I can't do this anymore." - Military Spouse
Those in the military and RCMP know they’ll be called on to make sacrifices during service. When they enter a serious relationship, their spouses or romantic partners know they’re committing to frequent moves; rebuilding social networks with each move, shift work, irregular hours, the uncertainty of being on call, long separations, and the potentially life-threatening danger of the work. If a partner isn’t in the service or hasn’t been part of a service family, “knowing” and reality may be very different, can be very challenging, and can lead to feelings of loss and grief.
Effects on the kids
The children and youth of RCMP and military families serve too and are impacted by the service lifestyle. They face the challenges of changing schools, leaving and making friends, disconnecting from the familiar, and entering uncharted territory.
They may find themselves in situations of having to answer for or defend the service of which their parent(s) is a part. They may miss their service parent(s) at key life milestones and day-to-day family life and then must adjust to their return after a long absence. They may feel afraid when their parent is deployed or on shift.
For more information on the impact of being part of a service family on children and youth, see Supporting children's service-related losses.
“I didn’t expect it to be like this”
It’s not unusual for tension and sometimes resentment to build over the years of active service.
Family can feel resentful for:
- multiple moves,
- the loss of friends and community that come with each move,
- for all the special family occasions like birthdays, football games and dance recitals that were missed,
- having to share mom or dad or spouse with the world,
- the added responsibilities as a single parent,
- having to adjust to the serving person returning home after an absence,
- the demands and sacrifices of military and RCMP life,
- how the person in the service has been changed by what they have experienced.
Family may be grieving the sacrifices the service life required of them as well as the life they didn’t have that they see others enjoying.
This doesn’t disappear when the person leaves the service. Instead, tensions can spill over into the post-service years. It can take determined efforts to maintain strong and secure family relationships under these conditions.
