How children and youth grieve
Children grieve differently than adults. In fact, you may not recognize that young children are grieving. You may not realize the degree to which a loss or the "sad parts" of children's books and movies or a news report about a tragic event affects them. As a result, children’s grief is often overlooked or misunderstood.
Just like adults, the grief children and youth experience can range from a minor reaction to feeling their world has shattered. Young children are able to balance great joy with great sorrow. They can be weeping and deeply sad one moment, running around joyfully the next and lapsing back into sadness.
Why supporting children’s grief is important
When children’s grief isn’t recognized or supported it may result in trouble at school, increased risk of depression, and mental health challenges that can follow them into adulthood. As a parent, you can help your child to understand and respond to their grief and provide them with helpful strategies to use throughout their life.
Every child and youth is unique
There are no hard and fast rules about how children and youth grieve at a particular age or in certain situations, but the death of a parent or a sibling is a significant life changing event.
Some young children may “act out” their grief through play or regressing to behaviours of a younger age, like bedwetting. Some have trouble sleeping, are attention-seeking, or are fearful or clingy. Some withdraw while others talk a great deal and ask many questions. There is no "normal," "right," or “wrong” way for children and youth to grieve.
- It will take time for the child to understand and process the loss.
- Their grief may come and go and vary in intensity.
- Grief-related thoughts and feelings can come up months or even years after a loss.
Youth often turn to peers for support.
Grief changes over time
The “ebb and flow” of grief, although natural, can last for some time and leave children and youth feeling uncertain about the future. Letting them know that they will not always feel this way, and that grief comes and goes and changes in intensity, may help them understand what they are experiencing.
Words to explain grief
- Grief is all of the feelings and thoughts we have when something really difficult happens in life. These may include: sad, mad, relief, guilt and exhaustion.
- Causes of grief can include: illness, death, divorce, being separated from parents or other caregivers, relocating to a new community and changing schools, saying goodbye to freinds, knowing a parent is in danger.
- It’s okay to feel happy and enjoy life even when we’re grieving.